What can WE do to keep the Cosplay Community safe? (CW: Sexual Assault)
- The Lady Kaylah
- Jan 22, 2018
- 4 min read
Women within the S. California cosplay community have started stepping forward and opening up about assault, boundary crossing, and other consent defying behaviors going on within their cosplay communities. A trend I hope to see spread like wildfire. As cosplay gains popularity, more and more social groups have sprung up. Which leads to trust building that has clearly been violated more than once.
It is now more important than ever to start thinking about what exactly we can do to start protecting our fellow cosplayers.
Let us start with the basics:
The cosplay community has started gaining traction. With social activities such as conventions, photo shoot gatherings, and parties; people have been networking and bonding together over this hobby. With this scene the obvious happens: dating, outings, invitations to sleep over. What does that mean? It means that WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT CONSENT. None of those things: Social bonds, dating, going out, or sleeping over means consent!
Consent is needed before you even touch another human being. People believe you need consent for just the sexual aspects. And many times try using kissing and touching as a means to convince someone to consent. But consent starts before then. For instance, someone can consent to kiss and touching but have a strict no sex policy. Whatever it is they choose as their boundaries is not a "convince me to do more", it is a clear and absolute contract until otherwise changed.
Consent is a clear and enthusiastic yes. Consent can be taken back at any time. Consent is not coerced. Consent is not to be drawn out of someone. It is not to be convinced out of someone. It is not for a drunk or inebriated person to give. It is not for a sleeping person to give. Furthermore, going on a date is not consent, whether you paid for everything is irrelevant. Being invited to sleep over, including in a person's own bed is not consent.
Now more than ever we have to learn COMMUNICATION before action. Non verbal communication included. You cannot take meekness or silence as a yes. You never should have, and here we are reaffirming it once again. A clear and enthusiastic yes with a clear headed sober person. To be safe, if this agreement was made prior to inebriation, the polite and legal thing to do is to wait until they are sober once again before sexual activity.
[Note: Every word "consent" above is attached to a different link containing more info on consent. Read up!]
Now, some of you may already know the "in's and out's" of consent and still wondering: what can I do? Back to the drawing board! Talk about it. Tell your friends about it. You have a friend going to hit on someone? Give them a quick pep talk about taking "no" as an acceptable answer. See a friend being creepy? Call them out! Make yourself a safe space and a safe person. Cut ties with people who make light of consent. Believe your peers when they say they were creeped on or full blown assaulted.
One of the most popular responses to victims coming forward I have seen is victim blaming. Most don't even know that they are doing it, so let us cover what victim blaming is. Are you in any way insinuating that the victim is at fault for and/or lying about their assault? If the answer is "yes", you are victim blaming. Questions such as: "Was there drinking involved?" "Were you two dating?" "Why did you let them sleep in the same bed?" are all examples of victim blaming. If you do have questions or concerns, throwing accusations at a victim is not at all a means of expressing that. If you have doubts, the best thing to do is to keep them to yourself; because you know who doesn't have any doubts?
The victim.
The truth of the matter is that false accusations are so rare, that there is no reason to bring it up unless you are in some way bringing fourth irrefutable proof to the table, and unless you are victim or rapist: there is little to no way you are going to be able to do that.
To create safe spaces, the least we can do is start talking about safety and less time talking about "what-if's" of a sexual assault case. Any person shifting blame onto a victim is NOT a safe person and should be immediately educated. If you are aware of any victim blaming folk in your community, the safest thing to do is to write them off as NOT SAFE. What is a safe person? A safe person is someone you can count on to go to in light of a situation in which you may need support against a sexual predator. It is important to know those who you can trust within your community. Start taking notes of your peers everyone! [Note: Every phrase "victim blaming" above is attached to a different link containing more info on consent.]
Popularity-
Expanded on in a previous blog post, I have noticed the trend of more popular cosplayers being held to a higher standard than other cosplayers. This includes allegations of sexual assault being met with immediate cries of "I can't believe it!" while those closest to the abuser are saying "I'm not surprised." Saying things along the lines of "Well, they never did anything to me." Is incredibly dismissive and harmful to the community. We need to keep our awe in check and realize just how distanced we are from these people in our communities. We need to start holding everyone responsible for their actions and start taking responsibility for making our spaces safe for EVERYONE. It is time that our most prominent cosplayers start speaking up about consent and safety. Start imploring your event organizers and hosts and favorite cosplayers to talk on this very important issue. We need now, more than ever: safe spaces! Not places that put popularity and entertainment above all.
