How far for Popularity? (CW: Sexual Assault)

One of the topics I have covered previously and only touched on lightly, has been popularity in the cosplay community and just how far people are willing to go to remain in the "relevant" crowd. The way people use and diss others in the community is beyond appalling and just recently, a new aspect of this issue arose.

A sexual predator and full on rapist has been outed within the S. California cosplay community. Upon hearing this, very few spoke out; except for those women who felt emboldened by one very brave woman. The ones who spoke out were the ones who had personal experience with his predatory behavior or had been assaulted by him as well. Many of these women admitted to having kept silent because they feared what it might mean for them in the community. How would friends react? Would their friends choose popularity over the voice of the victim?

Apparently.

A very sad social experiment occurred when this news came out. I shared the stories and watched the mutual friend count on FB. 22 mutuals. 24 hours after the story blew up: 20 Mutuals. How could people remain friends with a rapist? Especially after so many confirmations of his behavior? This isn't even the end of the social experiment as I took it upon myself to personally message the story to every single one of the mutual friends what had happened. After they read their messages 20 mutuals dropped down to 20 mutuals. Zero people had decided to cut ties with this rapist within the cosplay community after being faced with the news. The ones who stayed silent upon reading my messages, that wasn't the heart breaking part. A few messaged saying why they remained his friend with valid points (Waiting on a statement from him, spying, ect.). The saddest part was the ones who said, "Oh, I am not surprised by this." Remained his friend. "Oh that's fucked up, but I am a safe space." Remained his friend. "I believe the victim." Remained his friend. My response to the matter was thus:

"A sad and unintentional social experiment happened today. I PM'd many mutuals of a known rapist in the cosplay community about his rape. The saddest part? Not the ones who stayed silent, but the ones who wrote back. They wrote back saying they believed the victim, that this was appalling, that no girl should feel unsafe in the community. And how many of those saying this unfriended the rapist? You guessed it. Zero. 0. No one. I am no longer accepting half ass support against sexual violence. Your false support is equally as dangerous, if not more so, than those who stay silent. You cannot, CAN NOT, say you support us women and then be friends with the men who put their unwanted hands on us. You are not safe. You have sided with Rape. I repeat. YOU HAVE SIDED WITH RAPE."

What kind of community have we created that women feel they must remain silent for so long? Where they can watch the behavior of their fellow cosplayers turn into blatant and predatory abuse and still feel powerless to do anything? How many times this cosplayer has been approached and called out, I know not. But the overwhelming comments of "Not surprised" speaks volumes. We are too willing to overlook serious issues in the face of popularity. Where the more socially adept the cosplayer, the more willing we are to overlook transgressions. How we are willing to remain friends with rapists for the sake of keeping our popularity pool as large as we possibly can. For the sake of avoiding "drama" at the very expense of the safety of our peers. This community is constantly sickening me. And this latest affair has drawn from me, a great and deep displeasure. I have always been out and loud against this kind of behavior. That is why I have never been popular. But now that I have been privy to what goes on behind the underbelly of the more social crowd of cosplay, all I see is a nest of toxicity. I hope that because of the many, many, brave women who have come forward on this topic we can actually, with every true intent, make this space more safe.

However, those who remain silent. Those who remain friends with rapists: WE SEE YOU. WE DO NOT TRUST YOU. YOU ARE A DANGER TO US.

Representational image. [Photo: Indiatoday.in]