Self Journey: Mental Health Help

For years I have known that there were things beyond my control contributing to my mood, feelings, as well as actions. I always thought that because I eventually evened out, or that my symptoms shifted to something else, or that I had no recollection of what happened, that perhaps I was ultimately fine. For years I have had people close to me tell me that my experiences were not normal and that I should seek help. My lack of seeking help has lost me many people along the way. But that is not what prompted me to do anything. My mental health has continuously declined instead of getting better. I thought it would eventually just "go away" or maybe if I "thought positive enough" I could heal myself. I had always thought that perhaps if I needed to I would go seek help. Turns out, I have "needed to" seek help for a long time. So I did. It was really hard going in for a stand by appointment, but I was willing to wait as long as it got me that much closer to seeking the help I needed. I knew if I put it off it would never happen. So I finally got evaluated by a therapist and will now be making progress to seeing a psychiatrist and hopefully regularly scheduled therapy sessions. If medication is needed, it is needed and there is no shame in that for me.

The hardest part was facing the therapist and trying to get out all that is "wrong" with me. Making this most difficult are my memory issues and my dissociation tendencies. So I tried my best and made the steps to move forward. I have yet to be diagnosed but I am a step closer to understanding what is needed to get better. I am really excited to understand myself just as I am equally afraid. The memory loss bits are hard and I don't want to know what lies in the spaces in between. But I do want to create better coping mechanisms for the chemical imbalances that are beyond my control.